with love

 Leave Collage?

I am currently studying engineering at tu. It was my Fault that I thought collage would be different. that collage would not be the prision school was. that there would be choices for me to select what i want to study. that subjects won't be forced upon us. that we would study about cutting edge technology at collage instead of ancient theoritical science. I should have known it. I failed in four out of six subjects in first semester. Now my parents think that I am some stupid looser and fool full of shit. that i im the reason for disappointment in the family. that I am the reason my father can't help but drink every evening. that my mother seems disappointed every time she sees me and ask to join class, do homework, read like i am fuck*** stupid kid who needs some scolding. I don't like the way teachers look at me. I am bad company for friends. But really, whose fault is it? I was there for six months sitting at the class as an obidient student and i failed in four out of six subjects. Obviously it's my fault. It's my fault that i belived in the process. that i thought class are worth the time spent for. that i didn't tried to forcefully memorize the forced subjects of ancient wisedom that i have no interest in. It is my fault. My one of our teacher called three times to tell & ask my parents why i was absent in class. - I was disappointed with me, with collage, with the system, with everyone. - I know that time spent in class is not worth it. They can't even make us pass through exam which is their system of evaluation, then what the fu** can they prepare me for the world. - But i didn't tell this to anyone because I am a fucking nice guy, an introvert who is afraid, trained to act supid and only say what they want to hear. How dare they. Fuck that!... It's not their fault either, they are only the transporter of the system ....... The means the system has created to protect itself. So we are not against the people, I am against the system. But since people are representing the system, every time they will try to defend the system, we are against the system that thrives within them. Our entire future generation will suffer by the colonization process of our system if we sit still. But right now, we are no-one. We have to be build ourself so that the system can't crush us, silencing our voices. We have to rise from mediocary. I was rejected by good social member. But enough of being nice guy.. Let's be rebillian against the system, against the collages that tries to mold us into their tools for performing what somebody else created.. Why does this nice guy matters anyway, at the end we are all mortal, none of anything makes sense. That we don't have to live the burden of our past. none of anything will matter, we will simply disappear making no sense at all . keeping the true boundries of nature in mind, Let's be creator, Let's write our own rules. We are free. There is no reason to be afraid of. time will ultemately distroy everfthing. This is our generation. I am not the perfect or best at anythig, there was or will be someone better, but This is my generation, people around me are mortal, 200 years from noe none of us will be here, they are my peoples. They are dying unsatisfied,unloved, and broken. Let's do something about that before it all makes no sense. Let's make ai whick will change every system in the planet. For which our generation will be remembered for very long after our generation will be wiped out.

 

I am Replacable:

    Turned out , I am replacable. doesn't require someone worthy, but some socially good fucking Idot. Feeling Only reason I am able to live with this family is i was born here.

     Have I not tried enough, Have I given up too easily, Have I been always too distant, out of the group, Do i have habit of always staying out of group? Searching for reasons for not to be too close to the group? Probably the goal, the dream which was never fully formed or don't have execution plan or I don't know how to get it? -yes

Why not even tried? -I was always thinking of leaving and going to world tour, escaping everyday pain, shame, and I am delivery boy here, people's words hurts around here. The undesired lectures, every-time everything i do, people are alyaws dissatisfied, I never seemed to reach their expectations, never good enough, humiliating everytime they see me ..... raising dog would have been better than me ..... well fuck them ............ see me with piety in their eyes ....... they may go to hell ..........  fuck ............. how dare they......................  Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

 

Avalanche effect:

- Be Change the start and the end is completely different...

- A little initiation in the right direction would set you to a complete different journey

- what would happen if sandesh hadn't let go the position of CR to prashant, he would be completely different person by now, what would happen if steve jobs had shy_ed/delayed out of asking steve wozniak for making PC commercial - may be he would never would be able to ask -situation would'nt allow, wozniak would refuse, jobs overthink and never approach.....

e.g. 

- Start Conversation being rude/upset and you two will add layers back and forth like ping pong and conversation ends miserabely.

- Start conversation with bit of tenderness & respect and  the whole conversation would be a lovely memory.

law of compound interest:

- The longer you keep the idea, the lesser value it would be.

- The sooner you act on it, It's value would increase with compound interst.

e.g. business idea, conversation initiation - things you think are great but you keep them within, some old habit prohibits you.